Movies for the Pregnant Film Geek
Grieving the loss of options in pregnancy-related movies. Yet, Jessica Brown Findlay in This Beautiful Fantastic delivers some unexpected maternal feels for me.
I’M A FILM Nerd…
I always have been and I hope I always will be. One time a film professor opened a class by describing the movie theater experience as the superior way to watch a film. He spoke in slow, simple sentences and he may as well have been describing erotica.
The smell of freshly vacuumed carpet and buttered popcorn envelopes you. The cushioned seat that welcomes you home for the next two hours. The excitement escalates when the dim of the lights signal to everyone it’s about to start. The flicker of the projector. The thrill of the sound-system blaring on suddenly. Everyone is in it together, with no pause button, no interruptions allowed.
I had a big dumb grin and half-closed eyes the whole time he was speaking. I went to go see a movie immediately after that class.
Nothing has changed much today, well, except the fact that I am 21 weeks pregnant and feeling a whole lot of, well, everything. I’ll catch feelings from any previews out right now. Try me, I’ve cried during all of them. I’m looking at you Jojo Rabbit.
On the other side of things, my extra-credit earning hormones are also in overdrive when it comes to seeing movies about parenthood that I can’t identify with what.so.ever. I got so irritated during the last 20 minutes of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, I turned it off. I get what they were trying to accomplish by showing “all the shades of pregnancy grey,” but multi-storyline rom-coms are hard to pull off. Plus I didn’t see a shred of me in any character.
(Exception: She almost exclusively talks about parenting and child birth, but I can watch Ali Wong’s stand up all day long)
I started looking at other preg-flicks and realized there weren’t any other moms on screen I was identifying with. Even my favorite as a kid, Father of the Bride II was now hard to watch (but maybe that’s just because Diane Keaton 9 months pregnant was messing with my head). Honestly though, I’m just not the kind of woman who looks down at her growing belly and sees God for the first time. My birth plan is whatever safest exit route that will do the least amount of damage. Don’t write me off yet, I am in awe, but where are the movies about the soon-to-be mom who sees her pregnancy in a foreboding mushroom trip? The one where she goes on one last road trip across the country alone before the baby comes? The one where she writes an existential volume of poetry about the whole thing? Nope. Just moms shopping for nursery shit, fighting with their husbands, and planning baby showers.
I know the answer to my issue is pretty obvious, stop watching movies about pregnancy. And maybe go see a psychiatrist.
Alas, my roller-coaster ride of the maternal film hunt has led me here. To a list of movies that excite me for the next chapter of my life that doesn’t have Pottery Barn Kids as the main sponsor. If you identify with any of these sentiments above I hope you find some gems in here too.
Watchlist for expecting parents who don’t need a reminder of how crazy labor is, or how much kids cry:
Movies about gardening
Dare to be Wild is the true story of Mary Reynolds, an Irish pioneer in the gardening world.
It checks all the boxes. Budding life. Season and cycles. Good looking women and men falling in love around gorgeous gardens, around the world. When a little monologue happens about the beauty of budding life, the impermanence of life, and the joys of creating a better world, I think how cool it is I get to participate in being a greenhouse myself.
This Beautiful Fantastic - Watch Downton Abbey’s Sybil play a reluctant gardener. Andrew Scott steals the show as usual.
Dare to be Wild - I had no idea who Mary Reynolds was until now, and I’m so glad I do. Plus, Tom Hughes.
A Little Chaos - For a loftier, all-engrossing period piece about the garden designer’s of Versailles.
Movies about kickass teenagers
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys is early work from Emile Hirsch and Kieran Culkin and it’s good.
Forget movies about the overwhelming duty of childbirth, a changing body, and impossible newborns. Watching movies about pre-teens makes me excited for the day I have a couple of my own of whom I’ll likely try to desperately prove I’m cool to.
C.R.A.Z.Y - Jean Marc Vallee writes and directs one of the best coming of age tales I’ve ever seen. Set in the 60’s and 70’s, this is a reminder that each human is their own, no matter how much parents wish they’d conform to their wishes.
Boyhood - This film is practically a child, taking over 12 years to film an authentic peek into the life of one family. So many good lessons in this one for kids and parents.
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys - Can you tell I was raised Catholic? Four boys growing up under the thumb of an excellent Jodie Foster as a villainous nun. Plus, a teenage Emile Hirsch and Kieran Culkin? Come on!
About a Boy - If you haven’t seen this yet, run to your TV and throw it on. There is no better film about a hesitant father-figure, a quirky mom, and an even weirder little kid. Who wouldn’t want Nicholas Hoult as their child? Except that he’s older and handsome now, so yeah maybe not.
Movies about the even cooler elderly
Winona swathed in 90’s patterns, haircuts, and advice. What’s better?
Talk about putting life in perspective. Nothing like watching an old man pine over a photo of his grandkids that never visit that make you want to procreate and try your luck at the same game.
A Man called Ove - Swedish book turned Swedish film (both excellent) about a grumpy old man and his new neighbors. The sadness in his story is so tangible, which makes the moments of happiness so much sweeter.
How to Make an American Quilt - Winona Ryder in her 90’s heyday, surrounded by the wisdom of some seriously cool g-mas. She and her mother struggle with following up to the label of mother and daughter, which give this solid 1990’s coming of age film extra credit from me.
Calendar Girls - It’s a true story, it’s hilarious, and the English rolling landscapes are A+. Plus you have to respect any movie that addresses the frustrations that come with being an older woman. There aren’t many.
Super sexy movies
This scene in Call Me By Your Name should have every parent taking notes.
For some, being pregnant does not equal feeling sexy. Here’s a little spark to get the wheels turning again. This section could be interchangeable with “Movies starring insanely sexy women & men who have had children and still slay.” (Re: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Armie Hammer, Marion Cotillard, well done, well done.)
Call Me By Your Name - Nothing like a romp in the Italian countryside to instill a feeling that age doesn’t matter. Plus the father-son scene near the end is one of the best parenting moments I’ve ever seen on screen.
In The Mood For Love - Good lord this movie is good. You’ll be on the hunt for form-fitting day-dresses and touching every stair bannister a little longer after watching this. Maggie Cheung is a work of art. Every frame of this is a work of art.
Nymphomaniac (vol. I and II) - Figured I’d end with a bang! Lars Von Trier gets unreal performances out of Charlotte Gainsbourg and Shia LaBeouf. One that will stay with you long after you watch it.
In summary, watch what makes you feel good and watch as many as you can in theaters. From what I hear going to the movies isn’t easy as a new mom. Bonus points to the ones that stay on your mind long after they’ve ended. These ones did it for me.